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The current period marks a ten-year milestone since the term “vanishing” hit the mainstream. Back then, the concept that someone could suddenly stop contact with a lover without explanation seemed like the peak of disrespect. We were so innocent. In the decade since, navigating toward a mate has only become more confounding – an frequently fruitless exercise in embarrassment that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media slang.

Zoomers, a generation who matured during a loneliness epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a widespread attack on the freedoms of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic landscape than their Gen Y elders could ever imagine. And so their dating lexicon has grown more extensive and more unhinged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” pushing the boundaries of your sanity.

What follows is a detailed breakdown to the terms this generation is using to discuss love, sex and the search of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most viral memes, by the end of this guide you’ll yearn to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – According to Zoomers, dating’s gold standard is presenting as your real, unfiltered self. Good luck with that!

B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon loosely based on a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your date's response is inquisitive or dismissive. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Independent partner – Zoomers' response to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while exuding enigma and independence. (She might still have that fringe.)

C

Chair theory – This refers to going for someone who supports you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would pull up a chair for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people form a link while doing chores, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained people in their 20s do low-cost dating in a inflation-era world.

Emotional spiral – Having a breakdown when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a crush or split, spilling all of your (unrequited) emotions.

The Letter D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a marker of 80s yuppie excess, it refers to partners who opt out of having children to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of playing it cool: embracing communication, honesty and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Signals

• Red flags – Personal quirks suggesting a prospective partner is trouble. For instance calling their former partners unstable, subpar tipping habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Good indicators – These actions validate your choice to date a partner. Such as following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe niche, largely inoffensive quirks. For instance being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still carrying around a pen in their bag, paying the rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you meet someone who’s just as obsessive about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who loathes the same stuff or people that you do (few things builds closeness faster than sharing a nemesis).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A musical group many young men is into.

Ghostlighting – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of silence.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, eager to please and devoted. The rare boyfriend who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Gooners – A mostly online subculture of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, purposefully delaying orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A trend describing many women's increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An ideal promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no goals of her own aside from pleasing her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Arbitrary and frequently trivial turnoffs that immediately shut down any sense of attraction.

“He would if he cared" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an extremely romantic display.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this crucial in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be limited since some Zoomers desire fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy believable.

Enhanced profile crafting – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {