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Myself crave advice from those about handling middle-aged struggles, such as existential reckonings, diminishing importance, growing a neck resembling a melted timepiece plus a fresh interest for A Place in the Sun. Recently, I read his remarks on turning 50 during a chat: “I think if you’re going to have a good go at the second half of your life, you have to edit away all the noise,” he said. “Spend time with positive individuals. I steer clear of downbeat types – ‘energy vampires’ – and am learning to decline more often.”

Initially, I wondered: isn’t there a tension between “avoiding negative people” and “getting better at saying no”? Could that imply he needs to dodge his own tendencies? I realize – that’s typical energy vampire talk, and I admit I fit the description. However, among our group, we favor the term “energy drainer”. Refrain from using “downer” or “spoil-sport” – these comparisons to everyday gear are insulting; we possess sentiments (though often pessimistic). In a bind, I might tolerate “melancholy luxury blanket”.

Perhaps you’re one too. Do you tend to be the event’s realist rather than its cheerleader? Does your thorough reply to casual greetings make people step back nervously? Do proposed “enjoyable” plans trigger a visage akin to having ingested something unpleasant? Do you strongly identify with Eeyore; has a psychic ever told you your aura is grey?

Should this ring true, welcome to the club, and it’s fine. Despite a whole self-help-inspired trend urging people to get rid of friends who “drain” them, I’d argue we offer real value. It’s likely an energy vampire would have expressed doubts – or shown a grimace – upon hearing about the planned book with a First Nations lead done without input, possibly avoiding much trouble, distress, and disrespect. You don’t get that sort of service from “lovely people”.